Today there was one last coffee and cake with my smallies before I head back the the 9-5 in the morning.
I am so so lucky to have had over 9 months off. I am also so so lucky to be returning to a job that I love with good people.
I’m not so sure I can say I have enjoyed my time off. Try as I did to make and remember happy memories, I know I will always look back at my time off as “the time when I lost mom and dad.” I hate that, but I am learning to accept it.
If I am completely honest with myself, I know that I am not cut out to be a SAHM. I have so much admiration and respect for the women who are. I love the idea of it, but I know it’s not me for the long haul. That’s not to say I don’t dream about handing in my notice and setting sail on other adventures. I just know for me work will always be part of the adventure.
My current 9-5 is being part of an amazing team that assesses, diagnoses and offers intervention to children with Autism Spectrum Disorders and their families. It’s a sad job but it also brings such joy to my life.
I love the challenge, I love being part of a team and I love helping others. I do love my job.
So why the worry??
I am just not sure how as a family we are going to function with two full time working parents. I know MILLIONS do it, but right now I feel like the house is going to fall down around us as it is….what happens tomorrow when we have to get out of the house all at the same time? How will all the laundry get done when the stupid Irish washing machines take 2 hours per load?!?!
I’ve also gotten really used to staying in my sweats all day and not having to engage socially with anyone in the outside world. It’s been easy for me in my grief to ignore everyone if I wanted to. And believe me there were a lot of days when I did. Starting tomorrow though I’m going to have to make an attempt at following the social norms at least some of the time.
I’m looking forward to new challenges, routine and using my brain but at the same time it all seems so exhausting too.
All I can do is take it one day, and one load of laundry at a time.